Thursday, December 31, 2009

13 Best Horror Movies of 2009 (And the Guilty Pleasure)

The year is almost over-here's my pics for best horror releases of the year, plus the big guilty pleasure

13.) Paranormal Activity

While it didn't live up to all the hype it got, "Paranormal Activity" was a grateful reminder that one can do R rated horror without heaps of gore. It also bested "Saw VI" in the box office, so here's hoping it's the final nail in the coffin for the genre of torture horror-at least as far as popularity is concerned.

12.) Grace

Dramatic, darkly comic and haunting, "Grace" is a creepy feminist horror tale that takes the idea of motherhood to almost "Repulsion" levels of creepiness. It also has some of the strongest performances in horror this year.

11.) Pontypool

While it usually feels like the well has been run dry as far as originality is concerned in the zombie movie, "Pontypool" manages to create an original twist on the zombie, while adding something not too dissimilar from William S. Burroughs quote "language is a virus", and featuring a stand out performance from Stephen McHattie.

10.) Dead Snow

It may not have an original bone in it's body, but "Dead Snow" is a blast of Zombie loving Horror/Comedy that mostly pleases. Sure, the references to older, superior fair may get old, but it's impossible to not get swept up in this gory, lovable romp.

9.) I Sell The Dead

If your like me, you sometimes long for the days of old Gothic horror. You know, the type Hammer and Paul Naschy used to release. Well thank your lucky stars, because "I Sell The Dead" is an affectionate Send Up/Love Letter to those days, with fun performances and an infectious sense of humor.

8.) The Children

As I said in my review, kids can be rotten bastards. Case in point, this Fulci like tale of evil tykes, which creates a mood of inevitable doom and horror, while not lightening up on the outright viciousness. One of the best sleepers of the year.

7.) The Hills Run Red

An affectionate but very intelligent tribute/study of the slasher movie, "The Hills Run Red" is one of the best slasher movies of the decade. It's a refreshing change of pace too, as it deviates and challenges the medium of the slasher movie, while never feeling disrespectful or callous to the genre.

6.) Thirst

South Korean director Park Chan-Wook ("Oldboy", "Sympathy For Mr. Vengeance", "Sympathy For Lady Vengeance") takes on the vampire in this erotically charged black comedy that stands as an instant classic in the field of vampire movies. Managing to be sympathetic to it's lead, while effectively mixing bursts of violence with drama and black humor, "Thirst" is a must for horror fans.

5.) Drag Me To Hell

While it may not top Sam Raimi's "Evil Dead" movies, "Drag Me To Hell" is a very welcome return to form that mixes horror with Three Stooges on acid style humor in the way only he can do. Also features on of the most memorable Horror Villains of the decade in Mrs. Ganush.

4.) Antichrist

A lot has been said about this-it's unintentionally funny, too pretentious, ugly, etc. While I can't argue with those arguments, no other horror movie this year shook me the way "Antichrist" did. An assault of torture, dark symbolism, mutilation, disturbing sex and violence, grief, castration and outright evil that proves once again that no woman hath fury like nature. It also features what may be the strongest female performance of the year from Charlotte Gainsbourg. Not since Eihi Shiina in "Audition" has an actress been this convincing and outright horrifying in a genre film this decade.

3.) The House Of The Devil


Ty West's slow moving, but unnerving tribute to all things spooky and unnerving in 80's horror (it's even set in the 80's) is rewarding in it's sense of unease and slow but unpreventable horror that becomes worth it in it's terrifying conclusion. Also, any horror movie that casts Mary Warnoc and Tom Noonan is good in my book.


2.) Zombieland

Probably the funniest movie of the year to boot, "Zombieland" is a fun filled romp through a zombie infested apocalypse that may be the final proof that this was the decade of the zombie. Also featuring one of the best cameos ever.

1.) Trick r' Treat

After two years of delays, "Trick r' Treat" finally made it's debut-too bad it wasn't the theatrical release it deseved. Undoubtedly one of the definative celebrations of the true most wonderful time of the year, "Trick r' Treat" is awesome fun from beginning to end, and the kind of thing only the most sour horror fan could resist. See it now-or at least when October comes around. You won't regret it.

Guilty Pleasure:

The recent wave of R-rated slasher movie remakes. While some may pout at the prospect, this year saw "Friday The 13th", "My Bloody Valentine" and "The House On Sorority Row" get the remake treatment. While theses remakes have detractors, I couldn't help but enjoy them. "Friday The 13th" saw Jason return to his roots, and was all the better for it, while "My Bloody Valentine 3-D" wore it's love for the slasher genre on it's sleeve (and brought back Tom Atkins-missed ya man!), and "Sorority Row", while obviously made for the same crowd who watches shows like "The Hills", was a fun little movie with a great bitchy performance from Leah Pipes. Some may balk at this, but hell, I enjoyed them.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Worst Horror Movies of the Decade Pt II

Prom Night, The Stepfather and The Fog

This decade has seen a lot of remakes. However, these three may stand out as the worst. "The Fog" and "The Stepfather" are remakes of classic 80's horror movies that removed everything that made them great. "Prom Night" though, is a remake of a slasher movie that I never really considered a classic. Instead of doing something interesting with it, the movie instead makes every mistake possible-with a PG-13 rating nonetheless, like the other two movies-and makes something unwatchable. Whenever people would give me shit for liking the "House on Sorority Row" remake, I remember these movies.

Thir13en Ghosts

Dark Castle Entertainment has given us plenty of mediocre theatrical horror material-"Ghost Ship", "Gothika", "The Reaping" and more. This however, stands out as their worst. Complete with uninteresting kills, poorly done sentimental moments, and a maid character played by rapper Rah-Digga who boarders on racially offensive, this is an unwatchable mess.

The Hills Have Eyes II

Well, it's worse than the sequel to the original. HHE2 is a Godawful assault on the eyes that serves no purpose, and feels like watching somebody play the worlds' most uninteresting video game. Add some poorly done social commentary and a general feeling of unease (not the good kind you get from horror movies), and you get this.

Gnaw

Hey, the British are trying to do their version pf the "Wrong Turn" movies, with a bit of "Hostel" and "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre", only without any of what made those movies any good. This is a lifeless horror movie that offers nothing worth watching, and even worse, fails as a tongue in cheek Black Comedy.

Mulva: Zombie Ass Kicker

I have no problem with Troma movies. I do hate it most of the time when people try to emulate Troma. Case in point: this movie, which has awful jokes, terrible one-liners, and even the director showing up in Blackface. Fuck this movie.

Attack Girls Swim Team vs. The Undead

Proof that not every Japanese zombie movie is going to be awesome, this movie is essentially a soft porn movie masquerading as a horror comedy, only with an emphasis on humiliation and rape that leaves an awful taste in one's mouth.

Feast 2 and 3

Sometimes, a sequel can be a buzzkill. Take the sequels to the fun splatter comedy "Feast", which think throwing in explosive diarrhea, a dead baby, rape jokes, fart jokes and more will automatically make audiences happy. Turns out they were wrong.

Untraceable

In spite of it's content, this is a horror/technological thriller that feels more like a bad Lifetime network horror flick than a theatrical movie. The whole thing is also incredibly dated in it's views of the internet, and takes great delight in tearing apart illegal downloaders. You stick it to them! Or preferably, don't.

Return of the Living Dead 5: Rave From The Grave

A Godawful embarrassment to the series (though the previous sequel didn't help matters much) that feels more like a bad "National Lampoons" movie meets a straight to DVD Horror Comedy. Nay I say.

Resident Evil: Apocalypse

The weakest entry in the loose Video Game adaptation franchise so far (and that says a lot), this lifeless sequel plods forward without anything resembling energy, creativity, or entertainment, instead resembling a cynical cash in at it's laziest.

The Cook

A textbook example on how not to do a horror-comedy film, "The Cook" is like watching a bunch of horny, 14 year old boys making a movie, and even making lesbian bondage seem dull.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Return of the Living Dead (1985)

Dan O' Bannon deserves no introduction to genre fans. His credits as a co-writer are numerous, and include "Alien", "Dead and Buried", Heavy Metal", the story treatment for "Total Recall", and numerous others. As a director, he did the classic movie that's being reviewed today, as well as the underrated Lovecraft adaptation "The Resurrected", which itself was an adaptation of "The Strange Case of Charles Dexter Ward." I write all this today because Dan is dead. The genre and it's fans are incredibly grateful for his contributions, and he will be missed.

Now, on to the review.

Zombies and comedy are so regular these days, that one can almost be forgiven for being tired of the concept. That's not the way it always was though. With a few exceptions, the living dead were treated with an utmost seriousness. Very few dared to mix the two. 1985 was a serious game changer though, as two classics were released that essentially changed the rules. The first one was Stuart Gordon's directorial debut, which was a very loose adaptation of Lovecraft's "Herbert West: The Re-Animator." The other was from also a directorial debut, only it was from Dan O Bannon, who was no stranger to the genre. His movie was originally supposed to be a Romero free sequel of "Night of the Living Dead", which Tobe Hooper was supposed to direct. Hooper turned that down, so it went to Dan, who decided to add a fun atmosphere to the proceedings. Interestingly enough, he went on to co-write "Lifeforce", which Tobe did direct.

The plot goes like this: Two employees at a medical supply warehouse are talking, when the older of the two named Frank (James Karen) reveals that "Night of the Living Dead" was actually a true story, only with a few tweaks. Well, he decides to show Freddy (Thom Mathews) one of the corpses, and through a Three-Stooges style mix up, the vapors that re-animated the dead years ago get loose, starting a whole new storm of problems. To make matters worse, Freddy's pals are partying at the Resurrection Cemetery, and sooner or later, the government is going to get involved.

From start to finish, "Return of the Living Dead" is awesome. The acting is really fun, with veteran character actors like James Karen, Clu Gulager and Don Calfa being allowed to do there thing, while the younger cast is game and up to task (especially legendary scream queen Linnea Quigley as Trash, whose more than willing to disrobe). The soundtrack (featuring TSOL, The Cramps, The Damned and more) is exceptional. And the whole movie is hilarious-and intentionally so.

O Bannon realized that trying to do the same tired "dead return to life" scenario straight would be overdone, so he injects a refreshingly smart sense of humor to the whole thing, from puns that don't hurt (Culager and Calfa's characters are named Bert and Ernie), absurd and hilarious situations (just about everything Karen says and does for a while after things turn bad is hilarious) and a bevy of awesome one liners ("You mean the movie lied!?" "Send More Paramedics!") In fact, the whole thing creates a great, almost party like atmosphere. It may even be the ultimate party horror movie-everyone who knows of this movie loves it, and for good reason too.

I could go on and on, but "Return of the Living Dead" is everything one would want and then some. It's a classic, and it gets better every time you watch it. If you haven't seen it, see it immediately, and if you have, see it again.

In short. Thank you Dan. You will be missed.

Rating:

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Worst Horror Movies of the Decade (Part 1)

I'm not a big fan of "End of " lists. Mainly because I usually end up changing my mind eventually.At least when it comes to "Best of" lists. "Worst of" lists are pretty final, because you can add more to them. So yeah, here's the first part my picks for worst horror movies of the decade, in no particular order.

Death Racers

This one's a given. I've already reviewed it, and to talk more about it would just cause me pain. However, I believe you should suffer for your art, so hey. Anyways, it's a "Mockbuster" from The Asylum, and yet, it somehow manages to be the worst one they've done. It's also a vehicle for the abhorrent Insane Clown Posse, and is an atrocity in every sense of the word, as well as one of the biggest failed attempts at making a trash movie I've ever seen.

Feardotcom

No, that's not a typo. Will Malone's failed attempt at a Supernatural yarn ends up becoming a headache inducing mix of Asian Horror cliches, terrible decisions, wasted talent, and all around nonsensical dribble that ends up leaving a foul taste in one's mouth. Fortunately, the director mostly atoned for his sins by directing an exceptional episode of "Masters of Horror."

Eden Log

What do you call a horror movie in which almost nothing happens? That would be "Eden Log", a movie that proves not every recent French horror movie is good. It's essentially a man walking and grunting a lot in a cave, while random events happen and he walks around some more. Watching paint dry is better than this.

Halloween: Resurrection

Say what you will about Rob Zombie's take on "Halloween", but this is the movie that killed the old franchise. To think it wasn't the thorn cult or other things that would kill any franchise that ended this one. Nope, it was Jaime Lee Curtis' Laurie Strode being killed off (thus making the entire point of the series moot) and Michael getting his ass kicked by Busta Rhymes.

Zombiez

The worst zombie movie of the decade (and that's saying something), this poor outing also may be the worst Urban Horror movie of all time. The whole thing reeks of amateurish direction and acting, and is so bad that the viewer actually feels sorry for everyone involved. It also has Hip Hop music that is so bad, it almost embarrasses me as a fan of the genre. On the plus side, the lead actress has nice...um, assets.

House of the Dead

Though he did movies before this, "House of the Dead" is the movie that started Uwe Boll's reputation as one of the worst directors of all time. Watching it, the viewer can see why-it's horribly acted, directed, and has a puzzling tendency to throw in footage from the old "House of the Dead" video game. It's actually not his worst movie though. That would be...

Alone in the Dark

This is the movie that solidified the director's reputation. Unwatchable from beginning to end, and featuring Tara Reid as a scientist (no, really), this is practically the definition of cinematic endurance test. It almost feels obvious to include this-kinda like kicking a man while he's down really.

Ax 'Em

The spirit of such inept slashers such as "Don't Go in the Woods...Alone!" and "Scream" (an 80's slasher movie that in no way, shape or form is related to the Wes Craven movie of the same name) lives on in this unbearable assault on the eyes that literally has nothing going for it, and makes every mistake imaginable.

The Butcher

As the field of "torture horror" comes to an end, this late Korean entry in cycle may be the worst one yet. Clearly inspired by the likes of "Saw" and "Hostel", this adds many different levels of poor directing, editing, and misogyny into the mix. Actually, it's not the worst entry. That would be...

Murder Set Pieces

A horrific, self promoting, ugly, and all around awful piece of shit, "Murder Set Pieces" is the horror movie equivelent of that "troubled" kid in High School trying to blow everyone's minds-only to fall right on his face. Also includes footage from 9/11. How classy.

Stay tuned for Part 2!

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Plaguers (2008)

Remember Canon and Empire Pictures? I don't, because I was too young then. I am aware of them though-movies like "Re-Animator", "Trancers", 80's Van Dam vehicles like "Kickboxer" and several others creeped their way into theaters and video shelves in the 80's. One of Canon's most ambitious box office failures was a movie called "Lifeforce", which was directed by Tobe ("Texas Chainsaw Massacre 1 & 2", "Poltergeist," "Eaten Alive", "The Funhouse" and several others) Hooper and co-written by Dan O' Bannon, whose credits include directing "Return of the Living Dead" and "The Resurrected", as well as serving as a writer for "Dead & Buried", "Heavy Metal" and others. Oh, and a little movie called "Alien." The plot dealt with Space Vampires, and well, the plot is essentially secondary due to the fact that the whole thing is bugfuck insane. Plus, explaining it any more would take up too much of the review. That out of the way, the movies mix of Sci-Fi and B-Movie horror thrills seem to have served as an influence on Brad Sykes movie "Plaguers." Too bad the end result falls short.

The plot deals with a spaceship called Pandora, which is harboring something called "Thanatos" (oh, how cleaver.) A band of sexy space pirates (wearing outfits that look like they were rejected from a failed Sci-Fi show from the 60's or 70's) hijack the ship, only for a contagion from Thanatos to get loose. The next thing you know, people in the crew start to become "Plaguers", or mutant zombie hybrids.

Judging from the plot, this sounds like the best movie Canon or Empire pictures never made-an incredibly fun, retro style B-Movie. Well, there are a few moments where the movie almost reaches that (the smart use of practical make up and creature effects which are pretty good, the presence of veteran character actor Steve Railsback-who was in "Lifeforce.") However, the whole thing ends up becoming a massive wasted opportunity. For one thing, the acting is non-existent. People (particularly the space pirate girls) don't really act as much as they do scream and act really bitchy. In fact, you'd think that the whole Space Pirate angle would be fun, but here it ends up being one of the weakest elements of the movie. The pirates themselves are really annoying, and you end up wishing they'd die off sooner.

It also doesn't help that nobody else in this movie is worth any note either. Railsback ends up feeling wasted in his role as a cyborg, and his dialogue is too mellow. The movie also has some really bad fight choreography on display-watching the special features on the DVD, you are amazed that they got professional fighters to choreograph the action scenes. The biggest problem with the movie though, is that it feels at times likes it's being held back. Not by the low budget, acting or gore, but from an exploitation standpoint. It really could have used a bit more pulpiness, maybe a little nudity, etc.-yet it skimps out in that department, instead creating a movie that at times feels incomplete.

I do have to give the movie a little credit-it obviously has no major ambitions, and compared to other entries in the direct to DVD zombie movie cycle, it at least manages to do something different than the usual "let's try to imitate Night of the Living Dead and Zombi 2" formula. Too bad the end result wasn't a better movie.

Rating: 4/10

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Carriers (2009)

Like most horror nerds, I have an aversion towards horror that's PG-13. It's usually either an unremarkable remake ("The Ring" being a prime exception to the rule) or dull teen centered horror. Few people seem to realize what can be done with a PG-13 horror movie. Well fortunately, "Carriers" manages to be an exception to the rule of PG-13 horror sucking.

The film deals with two men and two women-Danny (Lou Taylor Pucci), his brother Brian (Chris Pine), Kate (Emily Van Camp) and Bobby (the usually likable Piper Perabo)-who are all headed to the beach. Well, there is a problem though: a deadly, incurable virus has wiped most of humanity out. As they try to make it in time, they are forced with tough decisions that test them mentally and physically. As the film continues, it becomes more hopeless, and our protagonists soon realize the only thing that may be worse than the epidemic is themselves. Plus, Brian's behavior doesn't help matters either.

Sounds like a zombie flick, doesn't it? Well hold your horses Sherlock, because that's not what you get here. That's right, this isn't another apocalyptic zombie flick-there are no zombies to be found here. What it is though is a smart blend of horror and human drama about loss-the loss of friendship, the loss of life, the loss of family, the loss of the human race and the loss of one's humanity. Fortunately, the filmmakers responsible know how to work this within the PG-13 rating, making it a movie that stands heads and shoulders above much of it's similarly rated ilk. The acting is mostly good, with Pine doing a great job of making Brian both an complete asshole and a somewhat sympathetic man forced into extreme circumstances, and Perabo and Van Camp doing great jobs with their roles. Chris Meloni also shows up, adding to the moral fiber and quandary the film has.

And the moral fabric is what makes the movie work the most. This isn't a movie of huge action scenes and apocalyptic granduer. This is a movie about human reaction to dire times. What would one do in a world mostly robbed of humanity-both people and what makes them human? It's a slow horror flick, but one that's more about the journey than it is action. There are a few flaws-Pucci is a bit weak as Danny, and a few shots and directorial choices reek too much of obvious symbolism.

That out of the way, this is a mostly great take on the plague movie that focuses more of human drama than it does "gotcha" moments. It's a shame Paramount barely released it in theaters-it's a movie that will probably disappoint those hoping for a zombie flick, but those wanting something different should check it out-it could very well become a cult favorite on DVD. It sure does deserve it.

Rating: 8/10

Friday, December 4, 2009

Terror (1978)

Though hardly the most talented director, Norman J. Warren is something of an important (though often ignored) name in the world of Exploitation cinema. Starting his career with Sexploitation flicks, he's more known for the cheap horror films he did in Britain in a time when the likes of Hammer and Amicus were becoming a thing of the past. However, Warren's horror movies lacked the Gothic Atmosphere and beauty of the best Hammer movies, and the unabashed EC Comic fun of the best Amicus films. Where his horror movies lacked in those departments (as well as skill as a coherent story teller), they made up for that in pure sleaze and exploitation. Movies like the Occult Hammer rip off "Satan's Slave" (1976), the unabashed low budget Science Fiction flick "Prey" (1978), the sleazy and actually unappealing "Alien" rip off "Inseminoid" (1982), and the inept but bizarre mindfuck "Bloody New Year" (1987) are bizarre, tasteless and sleazy forays that tried to keep British horror alive, but were more interested in titilating and appealing to the exploitation market. Out of all of these movies, the best he did was 1978'a "Terror."

The movie starts with a a witch burning that goes horribly wrong, leading to flaming bodies, decapitation, and other delights. Well, that turns out to be footage of a movie our main cast of characters are watching at a party. After watching this wholesome family entertainment, a girl named Ann Garrick (Carolyn Corage) is hypnotized. This turns out bad, because she can't snap out of her trance, and slashers her brother James (John Nolan, uncle of Christopher Nolan) on the shoulder with a sword used to kill a witch named Mad Dolly. Soon, people start dying in creative and gory fashion. Oh, and they are all have Royal ancestors.

First things first: This is essentially a rip off of "Suspiria" and other Italian horror flicks, particularly giallo movies. The whole thing resembles "Susperia" too-that is, if that film had none of the scares, talent or directorial brilliance of Dario Argento. Hell, like "Suspiria", the plot is essentially secondary. Director Warren is more interested in knocking people off in moments inspired by the works of Argento and Bava, as well as throwing in gratuitous nudity and a scene at a strip club (with a dyed blond stripper who looks kinda like Marc Almond circa Soft Cell.) In short it's "Suspiria"-only with tacky exploitation elements.

Make no bones about it, nobody is going to mistake "Terror" as a great movie. The acting is shaky, the plot is a shamble of events, it reaches levels that are baffling in their stupidity (particularly a floating car-no, really), and the score is some rather annoying electronic music. That out of the way, it's never unwatchable. The film has something of a sense of humor about itself, and it's obvious that Warren never meant for any of this to be taken too seriously. He knows first and foremost that this is exploitation and nothing more, and he wants you to have fun watching it. Indeed, it may not be a classic, but as a turn your brain off mindless horror flick, "Terror" mostly achieves it's objectives, even if the conclusion is too sudden and unsatisfactory. Plus, how many movies can you think of that have a man being attacked by filmstrips (whose then killed Argento style by broken glass?)

Out of all the horror movies Warren did, "Terror" remains the best. It's an nonsensical and dumb, but also undemanding and fun horror movie that doesn't ask much out of you. For Saturday night viewing with nothing else on, you could do much worse.

Rating: 7/10

Interesting fact: In 1979, Warren directed a sci fi sex comedy called "Outer Touch." One of it's writers (and the voice of a computer with a gay voice over in the US version): none other than Bob Saget.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Premutos: Lord of the Living Dead (1997)

This review is dedicated to the memory of Jacinto "Paul Naschy" Molina, who passed way today. RIP man.

I remember the times before the advent of DVD and Blu-Ray. Back then, you rented VHS tapes that weren't in the best quality, but there was still a sense of youthful excitement over seeing all of these movies you had heard about from friends or on websites. As for those that were nearly impossible to find or not even available in the U.S., that's what trading lists and old review sites were for. I can still fondly remember hearing about such lurid wonders like "Death Bed: The Bed That Eats", "Pinocchio 964", I Drink Your Blood" and all of their ilk. There was a sense of mystery to them: you had to see them, even if you didn't know whether or not they were any good.

One of these movies was Olaf Ittenbach's 1997 Splatterfest "Premutos." Made in a time were the likes of Andreas Schnaas and his ilk were still pumping out unwatchable micro-budget gore flicks that also hadn't gotten any type of U.S. release (and were wanted for reasons I can't understand), "Premutos" became the thing of minor internet legend for a while: a zombie comedy that reportedly had the highest zombie body count ever, and was even said to be gorier than Peter Jackson's seminal zombie comedy "Braindead." It soon became that movie for some horror fans wanting the next big thing. Or at least one of those movies. That movie seems to come around a lot.

The plot to "Premutos" deals with the first demon. Apparently, the good book got it wrong-Lucifer wasn't the first fallen angel, Premutos was, and throughout history, he's returned again and again, with an army of flesh hungry undead. Cut to present day, in which Mathias (director Ittenbach) is getting horrible images stuck in his head. To make matters worse, his stepfather has a mysterious book that he thinks Mathias might like. Long story short, Mathias starts reading it, and Premutos and his legion of zombies return.

First things first: "Premutos" is probably the best low to no budget German splatter movie ever made. While it's not perfect, the gore effects are surprisingly impressive and plentiful, and rarely let up (though the occasionally feel a bit overwhelming.) It also helps that it has a cast of interesting characters (including a Dominatrix Sister and the stepfather-a character who pretty much steals the show) and some very Jackson-like gross out gags (including masturbation, a rather disgusting nose picking scene, and a pair of soccer cleats to the testicles.) Also, while there's plenty of moments clearly inspired by better movies, they actually don't hurt (the tribute to the Rambo flick "First Blood" cracked me up to no end.)

In spite of all this, there really isn't that much there. Sure, there's tons of gore and energy on hand, but at the movies final 10 minutes, the viewer starts to feel more than a little exhausted by what they are seeing. It becomes clear that unlike the movies it wants to be like ("Evil Dead 2" and "Braindead" for example), there really isn't much else here. It also doesn't help that the conclusion is lackluster, and that in spite of a few interesting characters, most of the actors are mediocre at best. The biggest problem though isn't the movie-it's the DVD. It comes with dubbed and original German language, but offers no subtitles. Plus, the dubbed language is atrocious and headache inducing.

Is "Premutos" worth the wait? Well, it depends I guess. It doesn't live up to all the hype (sorry, "Braindead" is still gorier and better), and at times it becomes tiresome. That out of the way, if your going to see any German splatter flick, this one is probably the best place to start, and also probably all you need to see. See it with friends and beer, but don't expect too much out of it.

Rating: 6/10