Tuesday, February 23, 2010

See No Evil (2006)

I have a name for movies that feature Professional Wrestlers-that term is "Wrestlesploitation." I don't mean things like "The Wrestler." No, I mean the cheesy R-rated horror and action movies that feature wrestlers. The king of this particular sub genre is John Carpenter's essential 1988 classic "They Live." Other entries though, fail to live up to that, and are usually quite bad. Case in point, Gregory Dark's 2006 slasher "See No Evil."

The plot is nothing new, which is what you expect from slasher movies: A group of juvenile delinquents who you really don't care about have to do community service work in what's supposed to be an abandoned hotel. Of course, it's not exactly abandoned. Yep in this here hotel is a psychopath with mother issues named Jacob Goodnight (Glen "Kane" Jacobs), who has a thing for gouging people's eyes out (hence the punning title) and killing them.

If there is anything "See No Evil" get's right, it's the sleaze factor. This is an unapologetically mean spirited and dirty little slasher flick that tries to get the job done. Hell, it's director is a former porn director, whose credits include "New Wave Hookers" and "White Bun Busters" (the latter has one of the best/worst songs ever.) It also has a really nifty kill with a cell phone, in a scene that should be used in theaters as a "turn your cell phones off" message.

That's about all it does get right though. Sure, it's got the sleaze, but it's also directed in a really hyper-edited style you'd see in music videos (though Dark also directed music videos) that makes it all feel like a sub-par "Saw" imitation. Also, there's only one decent kill in the movie-the rest are uninspired and imminently forgettable. It also doesn't help that Jacob just isn't a very interesting slasher villain, as he's yet another guy with mother issues. Oh, and we also see him check the oil (it took me forever to come up with a good enough masturbation euphemism) in a moment that proves that Vince McMahon produced this.

While it has all the sleaze, "See No Evil" is a mostly forgettable slasher movie that fails to capture the fun of old school slasher movies or the right balance of seediness and low-rent thrills of the likes of "Maniac" and "The Toolbox Murders." It just goes to show that maybe Vince McMahon and his WWE films banner should stay away from the slasher genre.

Oh and Vince, nobody wants to see Kane spank it.

Rating: 3/10

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