Monday, May 31, 2010

The Condemned (2007)

Though I'm a horror fan, I sometimes wonder why I watch so many violent films. It's a pointless argument I know, and it comes off as your typical wishy-washy moral sentiments, but it's still something I wonder. That out of the way, it's no wonder that movies that try to tackle the theme of violence in entertainment fall flat on their face. Movies that try to take this theme on usually end up either a.) Preaching to the audience with ham handed social commentary, or b.) Try to condemn violent fair while offering the same kind of thing they are attacking. Well, look at WWE film's 2007 film "The Condemned" as a movie guilty of both offenses.

Jake Conrad (Steve Austin) is in death row, accused of a crime he didn't actually commit (Yep, that old stereotype.) However, he has a chance to live-though it's in a hot new reality show created by wealthy TV producer Breckel (Robert Mammone) called "The Condemned", where he and nine other hardened criminals, murders, and rapists must fight for their lives on an island.

To be fair, there are a few things to like about "The Condemned." Some of the performances are fine, with Austin doing a good enough job as the tough guy hero. It's beloved character actor Vinnie Jones who steals the show as McStarley, the most despicable of the criminals. Jones does all that he can to make McStarley a character you love to hate, and he pulls it off with ease. Plus, a few of the action scenes are well choreographed and genuinely exciting.

That's were the good ends though. The film pretty much decides to go after violent entertainment ranging from video games, movies and reality television. Yet for all the moralizing and finger waving, the filmmakers proceed to offer the audience the very thing they are attacking. The hypocrisy of this is staggering, considering that this is World Wrestling Entertainment telling you that violence is wrong. This is a company whose Raison d'ĂȘtre is violent entertainment. You can't be a company that sells violent media, then attack the media for peddling violence. A moment near the end in which a news reporter asks the audience "are we the condemned?" is worthy of some kind of medal in it's sheer wrong mindedness. It's one of several scenes that are the definition of double standard.

At least I didn't hate this as much as "Funny Games", since this movie is actually amusing in how forced it's message is. I still can't recommend it though, as the only people who are condemned are those that watch it.

Rating: 3/10

Sunday, May 30, 2010

Classic Poster Art: The Toolbox Murders (1978)

The Resurrected (1992)

One horror author that has proven to be difficult to adapt to the big screen is H.P. Lovecraft. Sure, films like "Re-Animator" and "From Beyond" are all great fun (especially "Re-Animator"), but as adaptations, they fall short. So far, there are only a few films that have managed to faithfully turn one of Lovecraft's stories into something as good as the source material. One movie that nearly get's that done right is Dan O'Bannon's take on "The Strange Case of Charles Dexter Ward" called "The Resurrected."

Private Detective John March (John Terry) has been enlisted by Claire Ward (Jane Sibbet) to find out what her husband Charles (Chris Sarandon) has been doing in an old cabin. The odd smells and deliveries of human remains have been raising suspicions (well duh), and an old diary of one of Charles' ancestors dating back to the late 1700's has been found. The more they find out, the more they realize that Charles has been up to some experiments, and that there is more to him than they know.

"The Resurrected" was one of those movies that ended up going straight to VHS in the early 90's, and has since remained largely in obscurity, even after it's DVD release. So far, only some hardcore horror fans and Lovecraft devotees have been championing it's lost classic status. To be honest, it is a very good, and mostly very faithful adaptation. The film oozes the kind of other worldly, cosmic menace that the best of Lovecraft's works can do, with creatures that are malformed beyond recognition, surreal images, evil spells, wizards and so much more. Meanwhile, Chris Sarandon delivers a chilling performance as Charles Dexter Ward, creating a sense of real menace as the film goes on. The score by Richard Band is also choice, and may be some of his best work in a genre film.

There are two things that end up keeping it from reaching classic status. One of them is the constant use of narration, which proves to be more jarring than helpful. We know what's going on, so there's no need for someone to try and explain it to us. Also, while a fine movie, rumor has it that it isn't the actual final cut of the movie, and at times it shows. You can tell some scenes were either left out or cut up, and you end up wondering what the director's cut is like.

It might not be a stone cold classic, but "The Resurrected" is one of the more faithful Lovecraft adaptations, and is a must for fans of the author. It would have been nice if Lionsgate had given the viewer some special features though.

Rating: 8/10

Monday, May 24, 2010

Dinosaur Island (1994)

Remember "USA Up All Night?" It was a show that aired on USA back in the day that showed B-Movie fair such as horror, Sci-Fi, and skin flicks (with all the sex and nudity edited out, of course) presented by Rhonda Shear and Gilbert "Bob Saget Raped and Killed a Girl in 1990!" Gottfried. From 1986 to 1998, America got it's share of Troma movies, Slasher flicks, Zombie Movies and more late at night. Looking at it's Wikipedia page, one movie that didn't air on the program but would have been perfect was Jim Wynorski and Fred Olen Ray's 1994 Sci-Fi Sex Comedy "Dinosaur Island", produced by the one and only Roger Corman.

The plot is pretty basic-a group of American G.I.'s have their plane crash land on an uncharted island populated by bikini clad women who have a tendency to pop their tops. Oh, and their are dinosaurs, including a giant T-Rex (a prop borrowed from "Carnosaur") that stands in the way of paradise.

"Dinosaur Island." Is not a good movie. It pretty much typifies 90's sexploitation (though it feels a bit too tame to be even considered Softcore) in that it has bad effects, worse acting-the biggest offender being Richard Gabai as the obnoxious Skeemer, lots of female nudity, stock footage and a shaky at best plot.

That's exactly what I expected though. Wynorski and Ray-exploitation vets who gave the world such "classics" as "Hard to Die" and "Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers"-are not two directors that one acquaints with good films. They are known for trashy exploitation, and that's exactly what this is-and while it's a bad movie, I can't really hate it either. It achieves what it sets out to do, and it rarely does anything too awful. Also, it manages to be campy without coming off as disrespectful or mean spirited-there are even a few nods to earlier Dinosaur flicks like "One Million Years B.C." thrown in.

"Dinosaur Island" is a rather forgettable movie to be honest, and doesn't offer anything special. However, if your in the mood for undemanding fluff with babes and Dinosaurs, then you could do a whole lot worst.

Rating: 5/10

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Conquest (1983)

"They Can't All Be Zingers."

That was the name of a greatest hits album from Primus. It could also be used to describe the career of Lucio Fulci. Though beloved by many, not every film Fulci did was an instant classic. While films like "Don't Torture a Duckling" and "The Beyond" are rightfully considered classics, and films like "Contraband" are considered underrated gems, in 1982 he directed a bad movie in "Manhattan Baby." Sadly, his career never fully recovered from that in the fact that afterward, it was nearly impossible for him to do a good movie. Case in point, his botched entry in the Sword and Sorcery craze of the 80's "Conquest."

The story (or what passes as one) deals with a young warrior who has been sent to defeat evil with his mythic bow. In his was is the villainous (and always naked) demon Ocron (Sabrina Siani), who rules the land with an iron fist and has her dog/human hybrids that look like rejected "Power Rangers" villains do her bidding. Oh, and another guy who can communicate with animals helps our hero. Or something. Honestly, this movie is so confusing I had no idea what was going on at the time.

There are some pluses in "Conquest" to be fair. There is an ample amount of female nudity on display, and you do get the requisite Lucio Fulci zombies and gore shots. Plus, it's hard not to be amused at times by the sheer goofiness and batshit insanity on display. If the dog people or a scene involving dolphins rescuing one of our heroes don't amuse you in a cheesy B-Movie way, nothing will.

Sadly, that makes the movie sound a lot more fun than it really is. The whole thing just makes no sense. Sure, some of Fulci's prior works didn't make much sense, but they at least had a story to go with them. This really doesn't have a story. It's largely just a series of poorly choreographed action scenes involving various monsters that drag on. It also doesn't help that so much is left unexplained-how did these dog people come about? How is it that one of our heroes doesn't use his bow and arrows mythical powers until the halfway point? Very little is explained, and it's padded out by a shockingly annoying score from Claudio Simonetti (from the band Goblin) and it all ends with an insanely anticlimactic and uneventful final battle that leaves the viewer scratching their heads.

I really wanted to like "Conquest", as it has the ingredients for an entertaining B-Movie. But the whole thing is so slapdash and boring (I about fell asleep an hour into it) that I can't recommend this to anyone other than hardcore Fulci fans, who probably already own the movie. Me? Well I do like some of his movies, but this certainly isn't one that I enjoyed.

Rating: 2.5/10

Lizard In a Woman's Skin (1971)

Horror fans need not know who Lucio Fulci is. A director who dabbled in all kinds of different film genres (Western, Crime, Comedy, Musicals), he is mostly known for his contributions to the horror genre, especially in the late 70's and early 80's. Films such as "Zombi 2", City of the Living Dead" and "The Beyond" have become staples in the genre, mixing choking atmosphere with outrageous and innovative gore, nonsensical plots and brilliant suspense scenes into something that was all together surreal and terrifying. Yet some forget that the director dabbled in the genre films prior to these blood drenched favorites. One of them was his psychedelic 1971 Giallo film "Lizard In a Woman's Skin."

A rich woman named Carol (Florinda Bolkin) has been having some strange dreams in which she participates in some lesbian sex with her next door neighbor. Thing is, one of those dreams ends with her murdering said neighbor. While all the evidence points to her, she is convinced that she must find out who really committed the crime, all while trying to figure out what is real and what is not.

There are a few problems with "Lizard In a Woman's Skin." The conclusion can be seen a mile away, it wraps up a little too neatly for my tastes and some scenes tend to drag on a bit. Other than that, it's a fine entry in the sub-genre of Giallo films, with an intriguing mystery that keeps the viewer invested. Throughout the movie, neat little curve-balls are thrown to keep the viewer guessing, and Fulci thankfully manages to explain them in a way that doesn't over emphasize plot points. Plus, the thing is suspenseful and creepy as hell, with some fine set pieces, including a nail biting scene involving Carol and someone who may or may not be the killer.

That out of the way, those hoping for another Fulci splatter flick will be a bit disappointed, as there is little in the way of gore. Sure, there's a few stabbings and a little blood, but nothing too shocking. There is an abundant amount of nudity and drug tinged visuals though, as well as an excellent score by the one and only Ennio Morricone that compliments the psychedelic atmosphere.

It may not be 100% perfect, but "Lizard In a Woman's Skin" is a druggy, decadent treat that's a must see for fans of Italian Horror. Check it out if you want to see what Fulci was capable of before he indulged himself in splatter and gore.

Rating: 8.5/10

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Horror (2002)

Sometimes, horror fans and websites tend to hype directors as the next coming. While there have been times when this felt true (Neil Marshall and Ti West for example), there have also been many times in which said praise feels a bit unwarranted. Case in point: Dante Tomaselli. Here's a director who I want to like-he's got a gift for visuals, and clearly has some interesting themes going on, but he just doesn't know how to make a good horror movie yet. Case in point: his unimaginatively titled 2002 film "Horror."

The plot goes like this: A group of teens escape a rehab center to find some kind of questionable promise of salvation from a psychopathic preacher (is there any other kind in horror) named Reverend Salo Jr (Vincent Lamberti-his father played by magician The Amazing Kreskin.) Well, it turns out that Salo has enslaved his daughter Grace (Lizzy Mahon), and she keeps seeing visions of her late grandfather. Long story short, the leader of the escapees, named Luck (Danny Lopes) kills Reverend Salo and his wife, and the next thing you know a satanic goat, zombies and more come into play.

As you can guess, this really doesn't make any sense. And that's okay, I'm used to horror movies not making a lot of sense-the films of Dario Argento and Lucio Fulci usually didn't make much sense, but those movies were still great. It's clear that Tomaselli is influenced by those directors, but he just doesn't have what it takes to make the movie work. Guys like the aforementioned Italian masters understood the importance of dread and atmosphere, as well as build up and how to make set pieces work. Tomaselli doesn't seem to know how to make that work, though he sure does try. The film is essentially a series of off kilter images and random events that not only don't make any sense, but don't offer much to captivate the viewer's attention. It's as if the director thought "hey, this would look cool" or "Hey, I should throw in a Felicia Rose cameo", but in the process forgot he was directing a movie.

Another huge problem is that there are clearly some interesting themes here, but he doesn't know what to do with them. Themes of religious mania and drug induced paranoia run rampant, yet Tomaselli doesn't exploit these themes as much as he should. Instead, the character of Reverend Salo becomes yet another religious maniac cliche, and the whole thing involving drug induced hallucinations and random events ends up resembling an amateur level imitation of surreal Italian horror.

Granted, there are some nice visuals here and there, but that's not enough to make a good horror movie. It's a shame, because again, I want to like the director. He clearly has a lot of potential, and one day he could do a good horror movie-maybe even a great one. Too bad this one is an attempt and nothing more.

Rating: 1.5/10

Monday, May 17, 2010

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Chopping Mall (1986)

Jim Wynorski is a name that's synonymous when it comes to 80's and 90's Roger Corman fair. He never directed a stone cold classic (his credits include a remake of the Corman classic "Not of this Earth", sequels to "976-Evil", "Swamp Thing" and "Sorority House Massacre", as well as several soft core porn titles) and his name will always be mentioned when one thinks of 80's era cheese, but like many from those days he's become a beloved cult favorite. Out of all of his movies, the most well known and best is the mid 80's slasher flick "Chopping Mall."

Eight teens (including cult cuties Kelli Maroney and Barbra Crampton) decide to have some fun in the mall before it closes. Too bad for them that there is a robotic security system that's gone haywire, and that the three bad bots have taken to killing people.

There isn't really a whole lot as far as plot is concerned in "Chopping Mall." Horny teens end up being pursued by evil, and are knocked off one by one. Hell, the acting is largely bad (though Maroney and Crampton do fine in their roles), the whole thing is rather ridiculous, and people make decisions that really don't make any sense (why do they keep shooting the robots with guns when it has no effect on them whatsoever?) So whether or not it's a good movie is debatable. Yet it's a fun movie, and I found myself enjoying it.

The plot might not be new, but the concept of a trio of killer robots instead of a supernatural force or masked killer is shockingly original, and helps make it stand out a bit. The teens might not be the brightest, but compared to other dumb teens in slasher movies, they are geniuses. This is because these kids don't just sit around and wait to be killed off-they aren't afraid to fight back. It's nice to see some fodder with some backbone. The movie isn't the goriest slasher movie, but we do get some nice kills, the highlight being a nifty exploding head sequence. Even the direction is competent enough, and the score by Chuck Cirino is dated but enjoyable. Oh, the the cameos from several Corman veterans (Dick Miller! Paul Bartel! Mary Warnov!) brought a smile to my face.

Is "Chopping Mall" the best slasher movie of the 80's? Far from it. It is however, a cheesy good time that doesn't take itself too seriously, and has enough to entertain viewers looking for some light but fun horror fluff.

Rating: 7/10

Monday, May 10, 2010

Fireball (2009)

Action movies are a dime a dozen in the world of DVD. Go to any rental or place that carried DVD's, and you will find several-sometimes many-action movies that didn't get a theatrical release in the U.S. Personally, I think that the king of this market may be Lionsgate, who seem to crank out Direct to DVD exploitation junk on a regular basis, and action and horror are the main course. Ususally, this kind of fair tends to be nearly excruciatingly bad ("Wrong Side of Town" for example), so while not a miracle, it's almost sort of refreshing to find a watchable entry in the Thai action flick "Fireball."

Arrested on a crime charge, Tai (Preeti Barameeanat) is set free thanks to his twin brother Tan. Problem is, Tan has suffered severe injuries and is in a coma (I know, I know it's serious.) Trying to trace how his brother ended up like this, Tai discovers the world of underground basketball gambling. He ends up in a "Fireball" team, or a team of five players who play-and fight-to the death until there is one man left standing, and in the process, learns more about what happened to Tan.

On the plus side, the action scenes in "Fireball" are fantastic, not to mention bloody. People are impaled, bones are broken, flying kicks and punches are traded, blood spills-I could go on, but this aspect of the film is a lot of fun, and certainly earns it's R-rating. At it's best, the movie reminded me at times of 80's action movies like "Bloodsport", in that it shares a similar plot and has no clearer ambitions other than to give the viewer a bloody action movie that doesn't demand too much. In some cases here, it certainly succeeds.

That out of the way, while the acting is fine, the movie falters in the fact that there is little is any real characterization going on in the film. Without anybody to care about, many of the scenes in which there isn't anything action or maybe even sex related feel too long, not to mention kind of boring. The fact that there isn't much as far as characterization is concerned also hurts the various sub-plots-particularly one involving mob bosses-as we aren't given any other reason to take interest other than "Hey, look at what's happening now!" Without any way for the audience to invest in any of these characters or plot points, the viewer ends up getting bored, waiting for the next action scene.

I really can't recommend "Fireball", as it feels a bit too much like a missed opportunity to be a really fun piece of action trash. That out of the way, the action scenes are a lot of fun, and for a rainy day viewing, you can do a whole lot worse.

Rating: 5.5/10

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Friday the 13th: A New Beginning (1985)

There's nothing worse than when a franchise kills off it's villain. Just ask fans of the "Saw" series. After the elusive Jigsaw was killed in part 3, many fans felt the following entries were something of a downturn in quality-granted part 6 got better reception, but hey. The same could be said about the "Friday the 13th" series. After Jason was killed off by Tommy Jarvis (Corey Feldman of all people) in what was supposed to be the final entry in the franchise, Paramount didn't know what to do. Sure, they hated the series, but it was still cash machine for them. So, they decided to take the action out of Crystal Lake, and tried something a little different. While I commend them for at least trying, the fifth entry in the franchise, while not the worst entry, is still a bad movie.

10 years after killing Jason Vorhees, Tommy Jarvis (John Shepherd, suffering from a painfully generic name) has been suffering from nightmares involving the world's angriest goalie. While staying in a rural mental house for disturbed teens, someone decides to don a hokey mask and kill off residents of the place, as well as others. So whose the killer? Is it Tommy (it isn't)? Is it Jason (it isn't)? Is it someone else (it is)?

If "A New Beginning" has anything going for it, it's the fact that it at least tries something else. Some were probably wondering if the series could take place outside of Crystal Lake, so I must begrudgingly salute director Danny Steinmann (himself the director of the cult favorites "The Unseen" and the Linda Blair vehicle "Savage Streets") for trying to think outside the box. Oh and Tiffany Helm as Violet. She has the worst hair imaginable (they were obviously going for the New Wave look, but made her look positively trailer trash instead) who does the robot right before Jason finds her and offs her*. Oh, and it's got the highest body count and the most nudity of any entry in the series.

Sadly, that's all it has going for it. It probably sounds fun, but the whole thing is no where near as fun as it might sound. For one thing, the ratings board was really starting to crack down on these kinds of movies at the time, so much of the gore has been edited. It also doesn't help matters that the characters (which include Shaver Ross aka Dudley from "Different Strokes" and Miguel Nunez Jr. of "Return of the Living Dead" and um, "Juwanna Man" fame) is probably the worst cast in any entry of the series-just about everyone here is grating, and can't act worth a damn. The character of Tommy Jarvis is the most wasted opportunity though. The film tries to make something out of his childhood trauma, but it never exploits that opportunity, instead giving the audience some of the most awkward attempts of drama in horror history. Plus it feels so at odds with itself-at one moment we have Tommy as a tormented man, the next we have "Jason" killing a man who has to take a shit. The whole thing isn't even entertainingly bad-it's just insulting and stupid.

In a lot of ways, it's kind of shocking that there were more sequels after this venture. Sure, Jason came back in the next installment, but this is the kind of movie that has almost all of what made the public lose interest in the slasher genre. It's crass, dumb, doesn't try many new things, has terrible characters and is a mix of recycling old ideas and failing with new ones that fucks it all up. The fact Jason isn't even in the movie is the least of the film's worries-it's just a bad slasher movie regardless.

It's at least better than "Jason Takes Manhattan" and "Jason Goes to Hell", but "A New Beginning" is still a failed experiment that falls on it's face and offers little. The fact that it has it's defender's shocks me to this day, as there is very little worth defending in this movie. Avoid.

Rating: 2/10

*Originally, Violet was supposed to die jumping somewhere (I can't quite remember), only to end up with a machete between the legs. The MPAA wasn't too happy about that, so they went with something else instead.

Wednesday, May 5, 2010

Prom Night (1980) Graduation Day (1981)

Instead of watching the remake of "A Nightmare on Elm Street", I've been getting reacquainted with 80's slasher films. After the success of John Carpenter's "Halloween" and Sean S. Cunningham's "Friday the 13th", one couldn't go anywhere without seeing slasher movies in theaters and on video. It delighted horror fans (Some at least. Some horror fans hated them and longed for earlier days...kind of like today in some respects) and hated by critics (Siskel and Ebert did an entire episode dedicated to attacking the sub-genre), it's status in the 80's is unmistakable. So let's take a look at two entries from that decade-the Paul Lynch directed Canadian slasher "Prom Night" and a lesser entry in "Graduation Day"

"Prom Night" starts out with an accidental death of a girl named Robin due to a rather cruel prank. Six years later, the four teens responsible have grown up, and are gearing up for the prom. Too bad for them that somebody in a mask wants payback...

One of two Canadian slasher movies staring the one and only Jamie Lee Curtis, "Prom Night" is no stranger to horror fans-long considered a classic, referenced in Wes Craven's "Scream", and given a terrible remake to boot, "Prom Night" is an enjoyable horror film, but it's not exactly a classic.

The acting is largely good, with Curtis doing a fine job and Leslie Nielson of all people showing up as the school principal. The score by Paul Zaza and Carl Zitrer is fine, though some may be turned off by the terrible disco music on display. It's also a capably directed film, building up some nice suspense sequences and a great decapitation scene. The film does lack a certain nastiness though-it's not too gory, and a movie like this could actually benefit from more splatter, and the conclusion tries it's hardest to be sad and profound, but it's just bad.

On the other side of the spectrum is Herb Freed's "Graduation Day", a movie that's mostly a waste of time. After a track runner named Laura dies of a heart attack, a killer in an ugly sweatsuit and fencing mask starts killing off her friends. That's all you need to know.

"Graduation Day" is proof that for every good to underrated slasher film of the day, there were plenty that were awful. Sure, it boasts cult Screen Siren Linnea Quigly and "Wheel of Fortune's" own Vana White, as well as beloved cult actor Christopher George and some unapologetic female nudity, but there isn't a whole lot going on here. The kills are dull, the gore is unconvincing and boring, the movie never generates anything resembling suspense, the humor is really weak, and it moves at a snails pace. Worst of all though is the song "Gangster Rock" by a band named Felony. I'd make a bad pun based on the band's name, but instead I'll just point out that they look and sound like a poor man's Duran Duran. From what I can recall, one of their songs did make it on one of the "Friday the 13th" sequels, so good for them I guess.

On a whole, "Prom Night" might not be the slasher classic some say it is, but it is a fun time waster. As for "Graduation Day"-well, if you love every aspect of the 80's no matter how good or bad they were, then it's a must. I don't love everything about the 80's though, so...

Rating: Prom Night 7/10
Graduation Day 2/10

Lynch and Freed are of course no stangers as far as the horror genre is concerned. Though Lynch has mostly directed TV fair, he also directed the Canadian Slasher/Monster film "Humungous", the Michael Ironside vehicle "Cross Country", the little known Harvey Keitel film "Blindside" and episodes of "Baywatch Nights" and "Poltergeist: The Legacy." He most recently directed the Scy-Fy channel movie "Savage Planet."

Apart from "Graduation Day", Freed also directed the little seen 70's horror film "Haunts." His credits also include the abysmal "Beyond Evil" starring John Saxon and Linda Day George, the sex comedy "Tomboy" and the forgotten most likely for a good reason action movie "Survival Game."

Monday, May 3, 2010

Remakes I Wouldn't Mind

In case you've been living under a rock, the remake of "A Nightmare on Elm Street" took the top spot in the box office this weekend. I haven't seen it, and I won't see it either, as it doesn't really interest me. Instead of bitching about the fact that everybody has been doing remakes of horror movies lately, let's instead look at some movies that could be remade that would only piss off 5 people instead of hundreds or thousands

Body Melt

An offbeat Aussie horror comedy with plenty of gore and outrageous moments, "Body Melt" is in the end too hurt by it's episodic nature and at times schizophrenic tone. A more grounded remake done as a splatter comedy instead of a hallucinatory mind fuck would be pretty good.


An adaptation in name only of Harry Adam Knight's splatter-horror novel about a mad scientist who plans to bring back dinosaurs to wipe out humanity, it would help if "Carnosaur" were to be given a more faithful treatment-with better effects and maybe even 3D. Just be sure to bring back Clint Howard.

Frozen Scream

Not even available on DVD in the US, "Scream" boasts an interesting premise (frozen zombies controlled via computer) that's hampered by amateurish production values and an inability to live up to said premise. A more competent, more fleshed out remake would be fine.


A little known 70's adaptation of the Martin Cruz Smith novel about a flock of bats carrying a plague is hurt by dull characters and a lack of any real suspense. A remake with a better script wouldn't hurt.


Though a cult favorite, I was never really a fan of "Madman"-itself a "Friday the 13th" rip off with a few stand out moments hurt by plenty of tedium. A remake would piss off some, but not me.

Rawhead Rex

A Clive Barker adaptation that the author hated (and which was in itself a pretty bad movie) that pretty much ruins the short story it is based on. A remake kinda makes sense.

Curse of the Screaming Dead

The idea is great-Confederate Soldier Zombies-but the execution is absolutely awful. A better written and directed remake with a somewhat bigger budget (under $1 Million) could be great, especially if it was done in a similar way that Italian Zombie movies were done.

Nail Gun Massacre

The original is one of the worst slasher movies of the 80's. I wouldn't exactly clamor for a remake, but there is no way it could be worse than the original.

Killer Party

A rather forgettable slasher movie that ends up becoming a poor man's "Night of the Demons", "Killer Party" being remade would be alright with me.

The Thirsty Dead

A completely uninteresting Philippine exploitation film from the 70's is a vampire movie with no bite. I doubt anyone would scream bloody murder over this being remade. Hell, with a better budget and more going on, it could be fun.