Saturday, August 28, 2010

The Cook (2008)

There's nothing worse than a bad comedy, especially one that's lazily written. They say "dying is easy, comedy is hard" (or is it the other way around?), and to not even try is practically a sin. Just throw in some bad puns/pop culture references/boobs/overacting and taa-daa! Well, Gregg Simon's 2008 horror-comedy "The Cook" is all of that.

Oh no, some of the girls from the Lambda Epsilon Zeta (get it?) are alone on the weekend, and worst yet, they are all obnoxious stereotypes (the pious girl, the slut, the lesbian, the idiot, etc.) Well what do ya know, a cook (Mark Hengst) from Hungary (THE HUNGARY COOK!!! GET IT YOU STUPID MOTHER FUCKER? HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!) is there to make food for them. Oh yeah, and he starts killing them off one by one, and feeding the unsuspecing sorority idiots the remains.

Nothing can save "The Cook", which is the bottom of the barrel as far as horror-comedy is concerned. I know it's hard to mix horror and humor, but come on, at least try. What's more amazing is the fact that three people wrote this, and it does certainly feel that way-that is, if said trio was made up of 14 year old boys who watched a marathon of straight to DVD "American Pie" movies decided to make a horror movie. In fact, the whole thing feels like a Cinemax late night movie with less sex, including plenty of T&A (not that I'm complaining, but when even that can save the movie) and a rather pointless sub-plot involving a lesbian (Penny Drake) seducing a religious zealot (Brooke Lenzi) that would be interesting if it wasn't so boring. The movie can't even make lesbian S&M interesting!

Nobody can act their way out of a paper bag either. Hengst tries his damnedest to do something with this, but he just mugs for the camera and yells a lot (foreigners sure are different!) Plus the script offers nothing for him or anyone else to do. It's sad to watch, as it feels like nobody is putting any effort in this. In a few ways, "The Cook" almost reminded me of the 1987 cult classic "Blood Diner", only without the devil may care, kitchen sink approach that movie used which made it so endearing to me in spite of it's obvious limitations.

This movie is just crap. The only crowd this will appeal to are dumb, acne ridden teenage boys with no standards whatsoever. This is an embarrassment to horror-comedy movies, and is worthy of a big fat

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