Bigfoot. He's out there some say. Me? I doubt it, but whatever. That hasn't stopped the big guy from being the subject of many independent and low-budget horror films. I could go on and on with the number of movies the big guy has been in (or in these cases, a guy in a monster suit), but that would take forever. So instead, I'll just get to reviewing "Assault of the Sasquatch", the latest from the guys at Synthetic Cinema International-you know, the same guys who made "Werewolf: The Devil's Hound" and "Banshee!!!"
Our movie begins with a bunch of stereotypical rednecks making traps-complete with pizza (*sigh*, this is going to be a long movie), and this goes about as well as you'd expect. Next thing you know, a bear poacher is being held in jail. Thing is, the impounded truck of his has a deadly secret-Sasquatch, whose now out of his natural environment. Add a cop and his daughter who don't exactly see eye to eye, a bad ass chick who can apparently kick the creature's ass, the man who killed said cop's wife, and what you get is "Assault on Precinct 13" with Bigfoot. Oh, and some terrible comic relief from two idiots searching for the hairy guy.
I will say this much: "Assault of the Sasquatch" is an improvement for the guys at Synthetic Cinema International. Here the direction isn't as over the top and migraine inducing as their prior works, the acting, while not great, is at least passable among some of the actors, the gore effects and kills are slightly more interesting, and I actually chuckled a bit on two occasions (the best scene in the movie involves a death via "Dead End" sign.)
Unfortunately, like their other movies, this is a movie that's in search of a tone. What exactly is this movie? Is it a horror comedy in the vein of Troma? A serious cop drama? An action horror hybrid? It doesn't seem to know what it is, and that makes for a jarring viewing experience. At one moment, we get Bigfoot stealing someone's pizza, then the next we get some drama involving the cop and his daughter, and then later on we get stuff like that and people fighting Bigfoot. It's a movie from people who had no idea what kind of movie they were making.
To make matters worse, most of the comedy here is stupid, and not the kind of "dumb but funny" stupid. I mean "Oh God why am I watching this" stupid. There are so many bad attempts at comedy, such as a bit involving a chihuahua and our intrepid duo of Bigfoot hunters failing to pick up chicks, that you want to tell the people behind the movie "Look, we really don't need any of this." Then there's the nerdy guys looking for Bigfoot-one in which is a skinny guy with glasses, and the other a fat guy* who constantly screams at the top of his lungs at any given moment. I hated these two so much, as they were like the non-inbred cousins of Arnie and Mitch from "The Crater Lake Monster." The fact that the movie devotes so much time to them should be counted as a criminal offense.
As a whole, I almost wanted to like "Assault of the Sasquatch" at times, as there's moments in here that come off as a reasonable enough B-Movie. However, the inconsistent tone, terrible jokes and obnoxious duo kept it from really doing anything.
*Apparently, the fat guy is a bit of a Youtube sensation who refers to himself as "theduder." I have nothing to add other than that's an awesome name. Too bad he can't act.