Saturday, November 5, 2011

Shark Attack 3: Megalodon (2002)

I'm amazed it took me this long to do a sharksploitation movie. Anyway, in 1990, Claudio Simonetti directed "Troll 2", a sequel nobody asked for that became a cult classic because of how bad it was. Twelve years later, David Worth (who apart from this, is known for directing the Jean Claude Van Dam movie "Kickboxer") gave a new generation it's own "Troll 2" with "Shark Attack 3: Megalodon."

In something that never happens in movies, a shark (in this case, a prehistoric one called a Megaladon) is killing people, and Ben Carpenter (John Barrowman) wants it dead, while researcher Cataline Stone (Jenny McShane) wants to study it. Well, they kill it, but it's mom is pissed, not to mention huge. Also, this movie taught me that sharks roar.

To watch "Shark Attack 3", you have to understand that this was a part of a series of movies that were going straight to DVD and video in the earlier parts of the last decade-shit, Tobe Hooper directed one called "Crocodile." What's notable about these is that they predated the kind of movies the ScyFy channel (then called the Sci-Fi Channel) and The Asylum now make. So look at it as a something from a very minor part of movie history.

Also, you watch this movie is to know that this is the antithesis of what one calls a good movie. This movie is a mix of minor practical gore, lots of stock footage (the mama shark attacks are a superimposed shark "swallowing" people), embarrassing CG effects, more embarrassing acting, the pointless inclusion of government cover ups, shallow villains, nudity and so much more. At the same time, it's a movie that's impossible to hate, simply because it's the kind of thing that's not supposed to be bad (at least I don't think), and becomes hypnotic after a while. You just find yourself amazed at what you are seeing, laughing from time to time at the ineptitude presented. It really must be seen to be believed.

Of course, I can't go on without mentioning "the line." Long story short, Carpenter (who really isn't that likeable of a character to begin with-he's kind of a douche to be honest) tells Catilina "But you know I'm really wired. What do you say I... take you home and eat your pussy?" The next thing you know, they are having sex in a shower.

"Shark Attack 3" is the kind of movie that defies any sort of proper rating. Fans of bad movies already are aware of it's existence, which makes me wonder what this decade's equivalent of this movie will be. Time will tell.

Rating: I Don't Know

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