Sunday, February 19, 2012

Super Shark (2011) and 2-Headed Shark Attack (2012)

It feels like we get a new CGI based monster movie every month, usually of the aquatic variety and usually sharks. I guess you could say blame "Jaws", but 1.) I doubt Spielberg had any idea that such a great movie would lead to so many imitators, and 2.) I'd say the success of movies from those gents at the studio known as The Asylum is the real reason for this-and for movies like "Super Shark" and "2-Headed Shark Attack."

"Super Shark" is from Fred Olen Ray, a long time veteran of all kinds of exploitation nonsense and soft core porn movies with titles emphasizing the word "bikini." Our tale deals with an offshore drilling accident awakening a prehistoric shark that can also crawl on land and fly. Can marine biologist George Costanza-er, Kat Carmichael (Sarah Lieving) and skipper/disk jockey Dynamite Stevens (Jimmie "J.J." Walker) save the day? Or will corporate head honcho Roger Wade (John Schneider) ruin it all?

Clearly inspired by The Asylum and "Baywatch", "Super Shark" clearly wants to be a campy, fun monster movie made specifically for a certain audience, complete with an amusing title song. Well, that's not the case. Sure, the sight of a completely unconvincing CG shark crawling on the beach might be amusing at first, but the novelty runs dry soon, and boredom soon sets in. The story meanwhile, is pretty dull, and apart from Walker, nobody here seems to be enjoying themselves. In fact, as it goes on, I kinda found myself longing for the likes of "Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus." Sure, that movie is boring too, but it at least offers moments like a giant shark leaping into the air and snatching a plane. This is a movie that makes a fight between a giant shark and a robotic tank dull.

At least Ray's son Chris offers us a bit more to chew on (bad joke intended) with "2-Headed Shark Attack", starring Brooke Hogan, Carmen Electra and Chris "Brother of Jerry" O'Connell, though the end result isn't fulfilling. Here, survivors of a ship attack find themselves stranded on an atoll that seems to be sinking, all while a 2-Headed Shark (natch) hunts them down one by one. Also, I should mention that Electra plays a professor here.

With a few nasty but fun kills, topless nudity and lots of bikini top clad bouncing cleavage, "2-Headed Shark Attack" is the better movie, but that isn't saying much. There's little here that differs from other movies from The Asylum-plenty of bad to awful acting, questionable CG effects, lapses in logic (how is a giant shark able to swim in shallow water?) and characterization, a generic score and a pretty bad payoff. Still, there's a few fun moments, but unlike a "Mega Piranha" or "Sharktopus" there's not enough here to qualify as a so-bad-it's-good guilty pleasure.

If you have to watch one of these movies, then "2-Headed Shark Attack" could at least be picked up via Redbox. "Super Shark" however, is best left avoided, as you are better off watching a Fred Olen Ray movie like "Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers" instead.

Super Shark: 1.5/10
2-Headed Shark Attack: 4/10

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