Thursday, March 22, 2012

Creature (2011)

I remember seeing "Creature" on the marquee at my theater. I didn't bother to see it, and judging from the amount of people who saw it (about $327,000-also, I heard only like six people bothered to see it at my theater) and reviews (apparently, everyone but Fangoria* hated it), not many did either. Nonetheless, I started to grow fascinated by the movie-that tends to happen to those of us that review movies. How could a movie bomb so spectacularly on both levels? Was it really as bad as everyone said it was? The answer to that question: yes.

The story is pretty basic-hell, it's probably too basic. A group of friends go into the backwoods of Louisiana for for a good time, but end up running afoul of a half crocodile/half man (unfortunately, he's not the half shark/alligator/half man rapper Kool Keith told us of) who wants to mate with women and kill men. Also, it is worshiped by a religious cult that has Sid Haig and Pruitt Taylor Vince.

The so-bad-it's-bad ways of "Creature" are numerous. It's obvious that director Fred Andrews wants this to be a "Hatchet" style horror fest, and while offers us plenty of female nudity, he skimps out on two important aspects: gore, humor and personality. There's gore, but not a whole lot, and none of it is particularly interesting, and many of the kills take place off screen. Hell, the final battle between our surviving heroes and the monster takes place off screen, which feels pretty insulting. If you are going to offer us a rubber-suit-style monster movie/slasher hybrid, at least offer more on the thrills. Even the titular creature itself isn't all that impressive.

Then there's the acting. Look, I know movies like this aren't known for great performances, but you can't help but feel bad for some of the actors involved (Amanda Fuller, who did such a great job in "Red, White and Blue" is better than this IMO) having to deliver such awful dialog. Even the presence of Sid Haig doesn't help, as he just plays a half-assed version of his Captain Spaulding character. That leads me to another thing-if I were from Louisiana, I'd probably be offended by this movie. Here, everyone from the bayou is portrayed as an incestuous sister fucker whose all about bad teeth and doing the "lords work." I know, stereotypes are a given in movies like this, but here it just feels lazy and narrow minded.

There's no reason whatsoever to watch "Creature", not even as a curio. This is a boring, lazy, half-directed crock that deserved the poor fate it received. This movie can go fuck itself as far as I'm concerned.

Rating:










*Fangoria gave this movie a lot of press and mostly praise due to the fact that editor Chris Alexander is "friends" with the director. Way to hold on to your integrity guys.

2 comments:

  1. Hey Joseph Howell -

    Actually, I gave it press because it was the underdog in a summer of studio fodder. It was nurtured by Sid Sheinberg. It has an experimental score by the drummer of BAUHAUS.

    I have never met the director. I got to know him virtually AFTER the coverage was locked and I'd seen the film. Fred is a very smart, funny and interesting guy who has fought for this film every step of the way...

    I get why people hate CREATURE. Your review was fair to a point ( I agree the brilliant Amanda Fuller was wasted). I do not hate CREATURE. I had a blast with it and its weird charms speak to a certain trash loving palette. In fact, the disdain it has acquired has made me love it a bit more...

    Just make sure when you lay claim, that it's a true tale ye be spinning.

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  2. Okie doke. To be fair, there's several movies I enjoy that everyone else hates (I'm like the only guy on Earth who enjoyed the "Friday the 13th" remake, so I apologize.

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