As of this moment, "Prometheus" is in theaters. I loved it, and I feel that over time, it will be considered a classic within it's genre. Well, I'm not here to review that. No, I'm reviewing "Jersey Shore Shark Attack", the latest from the SyFy channel, and the first movie in this year's "Summer of SyFy." The end result resembles-well, it resembles what you'd expect from producer Fred Olen Ray and the director of "Chupacabra Terror."
A gang of Guidos meant to be a spoof of the hit show "Jersey Shore" (With names like "Nookie", "The Complication" and "Paulie Balzac") are having a bit of a problem-Nookie sees Complication with another man (Dear God, I can't believe I just wrote that. I feel stupid already.), some preppy kids are coming into their territory, and to make things worse, sharks are eating people. So, they have to stop this menace, save the Shore...I'm not going to explain the rest of the plot for this. I am going to mention that Paul Sorvino, Tony Sircio and William Atherton are in this. I wonder what was going through Sorvino's mind, seeing that he's in a movie produced by the director of too many Cinemax movies to count.
I will say this much about this movie-I don't hate it as much as I did "Piranha 3DD." I actually did get a laugh when Joey Fatone shows up, only to become shark chow right before he sings. That, and Atherton and Sircio at least seem to be trying here. You can't say the same about everyone else, especially Sorvino, who clearly does not want to be there and is only around for a paycheck. The rest of the movie mostly plays out like your usual SyFy channel movie. Young, not particularly talented actors are there to serve as fodder to either be monster food or to explain the plot to the audience. Actors from SyFy channel shows or veteran actors slumming it for some quick cash are there for a brief period of time. Bad CG effects rule the day. You get the idea.
The biggest problem with the movie, is that it wants to be for three different audiences, yet it can't or won't deliver. Fans of "Jersey Shore" will probably be annoyed with the sub-MadTV style humor and parody on display (though they'll be happy that Vinny has a small role as a TV reporter-and those that hate the show will be happy that a shark gets him in the end.) Exploitation fans will be annoyed because it's a TV movie, so apart from two scenes of practical gore, there's not much there in the sex or violence department. Fans of bad movies will be annoyed because this is a movie that knows it's bad, and tries to get the audience in on the joke. The problem is that 99% of the time, that doesn't work. Bad movies are entertaining when the people who make them don't go out of their way to make a bad movie. When they do, it's just really sad. There's nothing worse than a fool that knows when to make fun of himself.
I didn't have any expectations for this movie, so I guess I can't complain too much. It's another SyFy channel movie, and a rather annoying one at that. There's really nothing to see here.