Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Bad Channels (1992)

Man is often plagued by questions. Is there a God? Why are we here? When will the world end? Or, you can get to the most pressing question, which is "what went through the mind of Charles Band when he produced/came up with the story for 'Bad Channels'?"

Pictured: A man who is not sane

For those who don't who Chuck is, he was the man behind Empire Pictures, which gave the world films like "Trances" and "Re-Animator." After Empire folded, he gave us Full Moon, which is mostly known as the studio that's given the world all of those "Puppet Master" movies. With "Bad Channels", he gives us a movie that borders on a sane argument for the criminalization of drugs. That's because the end result resembles the ramblings of a man who snorted a bunch of blow, wrote a terrible story that makes no sense, and green lit the sucker.

Dann O' Darre (Paul Hipp) is a wacky radio DJ (aka a great argument for the death penalty) whose known for publicity stunts and other "wacky" hijinks. Anyways, an alien lands on Earth, takes Danny boy hostage. Here, with the help of Dann's stupid audience, the alien is able to shrink women for his collection. Of course, nobody believes him, and more and more people keep listening and calling.

There are three things about "Bad Channels" that keep it from being a complete bomb. One are the few chuckles it gave me. Two is songs from Blue Oyster Cult. Three is these guys:


This is Sykotik Sinfoney. They are essentially a poor man's Mr. Bungle, and there's a scene in which they perform a song called "Manic Depresso", which is... well, take a look yourself:


It's one of the weirdest things I've ever seen, and may be the strangest moment in the history of 90's straight to video movies.

The rest of the movie doesn't hold up well. Among it's many problems (it's almost never funny, the acting is awful, the characters are annoying, the direction from Ted Nicolau is suspect at best), the biggest one is that I have no idea what the hell it is. Watching it, I couldn't help but wonder what the target audience for such a film would be? People who want a new "Rocky Horror"? Stoners? Troma fans? The "USA Up All Night" demographic? People who constantly have to tell themselves "Hey man, rock lives on!"? It's a movie that defies any real explanation, and just is. There seems to be so real reason as to why "Bad Channels" exists, though I wish it didn't.

Sadly, that's not a good thing. Hell, the only reason to bother watching this movie is above you. Watch that instead.

Rating: 2.5/10

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