Sunday, February 17, 2013

Alive or Dead (2008)

My relationship with the studio known as Lionsgate is not always a good one. Sure, they release some good stuff from time to time (Damn it , see "Dredd" if you haven't already), but I've had to sit through so many bad straight-to-video movies that they've picked up for distribution that I can't help but sometimes feel a little bitter. Granted, I am a sucker I guess-I don't have to watch movies like today's entry "Alive or Dead", but I have a job to do (by that, I mean a movie to review for a website), so he we go.

I don't know why, but this picture makes me think of the song "Dancing Queen"

The premise deals with Maria (Ann Henson), who finds a bus in the middle of nowhere that has the words "Help Me" written on the window. She stops to check this out, and as we all know, that's


as she finds a girl in the bus named Sarah (Angelica May) who seems to be held captive. A driver then enters the bus and, unbeknownst to him that there's another person there, drives off. The bus eventually stops at a remote area that seems to be populated by mutated cannibals that consume human flesh, and the two girls must now fight for there lives against the cannibals and a large, weapon wielding killer.

The biggest sin "Alive or Dead" commits is the fact that it does nothing interesting with it's initial premise. There's plenty of potential to create a suspenseful little indie horror movie out of the situation, but the film fucks it all up on several fronts. For one thing, the leads are dumb as a box of rocks. They have several situations in which they could actually do something, but the movie treats them like imbeciles that can't figure out the most basic feats of logic. It also doesn't help that the movie is boring as hell. Much of it seems to be made up of Maria and Sarah walking around, looking at there surroundings. I'm not kidding either, as it feels like there's more of that than there is any actual horror. There's little actual story here, and nothing about it is scary. It's just stupid.

"Ugh, that's one guy, one cup?"

Sure, it might look shockingly professional and polished considering it's $200,000 budget, and the make up effects looks fine, but that doesn't mean that this is a movie you should rush out to see. This is just another "Texas Chainsaw Massacre"/"Wrong Turn" style movie that does nothing interesting, and is ultimately a waste of time and energy, and was released by a studio that seems more interested in a quick buck than it is actually distribution something of quality.

Rating: 1/10

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